Submission guidelines

Yes, and thanks.

Ashk Ruhani

1.- dont worry about my english, i am fluent in that language.
As you kindly ask to share thoughts/experiences in homosexual love i will tell you a bit of my own life. i have been fully in love 2ce, & 2ce more i could have been, were the rise of those tender feelings not crushed down by the dissapointment of those who were begining to be the object of my adoration. I will tell a bit of the 2 1st, becouse in them i passed through the whole proccess of falling in love: the strange sensation in the stomach, the absentmindness, the state of blessedness, the many tears, especially in the 2nd, the lack of apetite/the excess of it, the perception of being apart from reality, in a special world. The 1st time i fell in love for a german guy, Joachim Standke -this is why i also speak this language-, he was a lawyer, 36 then, from Gütersloh, a town of about 100.000 hab. not far from Düsseldorf. It was a shock for me, for months i felt terribly ill, even pron to die. Then the fever passed, but the remembrance stayed in my heart for years. I still havent forgotten that experience (how could i?). We got to comunicate again some years ago; he got interested in me & how was i doing & called me periodically. Maybe if i saw him, physically, all that old proccess would have been restarted, maybe not.
The 2nd was for a very handsome guy of 40, Hernan Avila Romero, from Granada, descending from a very illustrous family, whose lineage was started by Hernan Cortez, the conqueror of Mexico, married with 2 children & yes!, living a double life & hiding 1 of them to the other & the publich 1 from the secret. I saw im 2ce at 1st, then 1ce a week, for 6 months, then the fever in both of us faded away, 1st in him, who then tried to go on seeing me just for lust, ,but i was not blind, i held the reins of my feelings as much as i could. After a summer of absence he appeared in october, i still had a strong connection to him, but he got n.t. from me in sexual terms, then a year passed. Then he visited me, n.t. remained then from the fiercful passion that consumed our hearts, especially mine. I told him clearly that, if what he wanted was to have sex with me, he could go out & never come back, & revealed that just as he was trying to use me, i also made my efforts to use him. Some years ago i saw him on the street, alone, & greeted me & asked how was i doing. I got to know that he had passed through a depression. the reason, neither he told me nor did i ask him. That was all. Both were crushes, but suffering from the whole proccess of falling in love.
Later i have been with a guy, having rendez-vous mostly 1ce a week, for a year & a half. I love him, but i never felt in love with him. Then he went back to U.S.A., his mother country, & we kept in touch for 6 years, till he came back to Spain & we re-started our relationship. He is now in the States again, his mother fell very ill & he wanted to be with her, case she would pass away. He has been denied the residence allowance in Spain & is making proceedings to be able to stay here. He is the closest i have to a husband, is my best friend, i trust him & love him very dearly. He is already 63, but still very good-looking.
This is, very resumed, the story of my heart. Hope you have enjoyed it. Thank you for your attention.